


A Dark Alley and a Bad Idea

by FoxCollector



Category: The Last Kingdom (TV)
Genre: Alfred (mentioned) - Freeform, Finan was left alone and this is what happens, Finan's mouth, M/M, Osferth is mentioned and I love him but he didn't fit here, Semi-Public Sex, Sihtric is in there for like .03 seconds, Steapa's idea of keeping an eye on someone, There is no plot, Troublemaking, Uhtred is there for long enough to threaten people, ambiguous timeline, background Sihtric/his wife, background Uhtred shenanigans, distracting the "enemy", handjobs, i guess, i have no excuse for any of this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:41:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23822500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoxCollector/pseuds/FoxCollector
Summary: Left to his own devices while Uhtred definitely isn't supposed to be meeting with Alfred about something that will probably get them in trouble, Finan decides he can maybe be useful by keeping Steapa distracted. Although this wasn't exactly what he had in mind.But hey, when you're a little bit drunk, a little bit horny, and a lot lonely, you take what you can get.
Relationships: Finan & Uhtred, Finan/Steapa (The Last Kingdom)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	A Dark Alley and a Bad Idea

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote this a little while ago, and dusted it off while I was doing my over-excited rewatch for season 4. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was, so I figured I would share it. I'm not super happy with the ending, but I'm not really sure what to do with it so I've left it as is.
> 
> I do hope you can enjoy it, at least!

“And where do you think you’re going?”

The voice comes almost from nowhere, and it takes Finan a solid minute to find the source in the low light. It doesn't help that his eyes are still used to the firelight of the inn.

But it’s Steapa, large and surprisingly stealthy as he lingers in the entry to a side street. The man takes up nearly all the available space of the small opening.

It’s a bit startling, and Finan makes a small effort not to let that show. He’s not _that_ drunk.

Finan looks him over; Steapa is armed but not heavily armoured. Not entirely on duty then. Probably just here to keep an eye on him.

Or Uhtred, which was much more likely, and really almost the same thing.

Well, could be worse. At least they weren't in trouble. Again.

“Drinking.” Finan shrugs. “Whoring.”

He’d lost Sihtric to his wife hours ago, and had just lost Osferth to an intensely theological discussion over ale with Father Pyrlig. Or maybe it was _about_ ale. Doesn't matter. What matters is that he’s alone.

And if he's honest with himself, he’s lonely.

Uhtred is busy at the moment in the palace, and Finan knows it will probably be some time before he finds him again. He should probably be running interference for Uhtred anyway. It’s not like Alfred had called for him.

Steapa looks him over in return, and then in a voice that sounds absolutely serious, he says, “I think you’ve still got some fighting days left before you become a whore. Or did Uhtred throw you out?”

Finan’s eyes go wide.

Steapa looks just serious enough that he almost thinks he should be insulted, but he catches the glint in his eye that says he’s egging him on.

Finan raises his chin. “Unfortunately for you, I’ve not fallen to whoring myself out yet. But I don’t think you could afford me anyways.”

Steapa’s mouth twists as he suppresses a smile. “Oh no? What makes you better than all the other whores?”

“Well, for one, I’m Irish, which means I’ll be charging extra for the exotic…ness of the experience.” Finan lets himself smile and leans against the edge of the building in front of Steapa.

“And?” Steapa asks.

“And for another,” Finan pauses. “Uhtred’d kill you if he found out, so you can pay for the risk.”

Steapa laughs. “You’re right then, I couldn’t afford you.”

Finan laughs too, but he cuts it short.

Steapa has been a friend in the past, might technically still be a friend, but when it comes down to it they serve different men, and could easily find themselves on opposite sides of a battlefield. It would be to Steapa’s advantage to keep him occupied as much as it would be to his own advantage to keep Steapa busy.

“If you’re not here to buy me then I can only assume you’re here to keep an eye on me,” Finan says. He may as well get down to it.

Steapa almost looks like he might deny it. “Supposed to be keeping an eye on Uhtred. Couldn’t find him, but I found you. And you’re never all that far from him,” he admits.

He does have a point.

“We’re not joined at the waist,” Finan says, and he’s abruptly done with Steapa. With all of this. He won’t be used to get at Uhtred. Let Steapa follow him around all night, Finan will gladly lead him in the opposite direction of Uhtred.

“I don’t know where he is; I wouldn’t tell you if I did, _and_ I’ve got somewhere else to be.” Finan moves to push past Steapa in the alley, and that’s a dumb idea, a horrible one, because there’s nothing _in_ the alley that’s worth it, and when he steps up to pass Steapa, the man grabs him and turns, pushing him up against the side of what Finan thinks is somebody’s house. It knocks the wind out of him before he can brace himself, but at least Steapa keeps his weapon sheathed.

He’s had a bit too much ale, he realizes, when it only occurs to him to fight back after he’s been pinned.

“You’ve got a mouth on you, Irishman.” Steapa scowls.

“I do. I’m still not telling you where Uhtred is. So get off.” Finan scowls back.

“Thought you didn’t know where he was.” Steapa looks smug, and he pushes in against Finan, pressing him tight to the wall and forcing him to adjust his stance, spread his legs slightly against the heavy warmth pinning him.

“Did I say that?” Finan says, “now that you mention it, I do know where he is. It’s a shame no one will tell you.”

Steapa makes a noise like a frustrated growl and presses in closer and harder and – lord but Finan has never been pressed for information quite like this before.

He can feel his face heat up and his body, desperate for touch and tight with pent up frustration, starts to respond only too eagerly, and no no no, now is _not_ a good time.

“I bet if I keep you here long enough he’ll come find me,” Steapa says.

Finan raises his hands to try and push the other man off of him in a way he hopes doesn’t come off as desperate, but all he gets for his trouble is Steapa grabbing his wrists and shoving them against the wall while he pushes closer.

There’s no space between their bodies at all, and Steapa’s thigh presses against Finan’s growing erection in a way that is embarrassingly good.

There’s no way Steapa can’t tell he’s hard, but Finan can’t get a read on him and that makes him uncomfortable. And that sort of turns him on even more. God, what is wrong with him?

“A bad plan. Uhtred’s busy and I’ve got somewhere else to be,” Finan says, trying for nonchalant.

“Busy with what?” Steapa asks.

Finan licks his lips and doesn’t miss the way Steapa watches his tongue dart out. “Things.” He realizes too late he’s already said more than he meant to. “Like I would like to be busy with right now.”

Steapa grins. “Nah. I think I’ll keep you here a bit longer. It’s kind of fun to watch you squirm.”

Finan’s eyes widen a bit. “Really? Because you – this can’t –” What was the best way to say ‘I’m really horny and this is kind of doing it for me so unless you want things to get sticky and awkward you should leave now’?

He shifts, and the way it makes Steapa’s leg press against him makes him hiss.

“No witty reply? I think I like this,” Steapa says. His eyes scan down briefly and then back up.

“That’s because you’re cheating,” Finan grinds out. “Now I would really like to get going.”

He desperately wants to grind against Steapa’s thigh pressed up against him but it feels too much like starting a fight.

“Why’s that?” Steapa asks. “Need some help with this?” And he releases one of Finan’s wrists to slide a hand down to palm at the front of Finan’s now uncomfortably tight leather pants.

Finan can’t help the choked-out moan at the feeling.

He grabs at Steapa’s arm with his free hand, unsure whether he wants to push him away or pull him closer.

“Steapa,” he says it warningly, “you can’t.”

And it’s not ‘no’ because Finan doesn’t want to say no, he wants to say _yes, yes, yes_ until he can’t say it anymore, but it’s impossible to tell what Steapa wants out of this. And he isn't so far gone he can't be cautious.

“Why not? You seem to like it. I’m just helping you out.” Steapa squeezes lightly and Finan thunks his head against the wall behind him.

They are only barely out of sight in this alley, and if the streets weren't so empty this would seem every bit the terrible idea he knows it really is.

“Yeah? At what cost? Can I afford _you_?” Finan tosses it out lightly, even though worry sits heavy in his gut. Steapa would be a powerful enemy and he’s not looking to ruin things tonight.

Steapa laughs. “I think you can afford me. I’m only hoping to put your mouth to better use, and to keep you looking like that.”

“Like what? Devilishly handsome? Bewitching?” Finan exhales hard.

“Yeah,” Steapa says. He drags his palm up and then down in an infuriatingly slow way, and it makes Finan’s hips stutter.

It’s embarrassing how much this is turning him on; being manhandled in a back alley.

“May I?” Steapa asks, fingering the fastening on Finan’s pants.

Finan nearly chokes. “God, yes.”

Steapa lets go of his other wrist, reaching down to undo the front of his pants and Finan braces his hands on Steapa’s shoulders, slides them down to feel the solid muscle of Steapa’s arms. Oh, that’s nice. Steapa could hold him still for _hours_.

Steapa grips him at the hip, rubbing circles into his skin, and then he is pressing closer, in, so that their foreheads are almost touching and his other hand is in Finan’s pants just enough to tease him with his fingertips. It’s raw, makes Finan feel flayed open and exposed and he wants _more_.

“Can you –” and he doesn’t want to ask for it, doesn’t want to beg, but he wants it so, so bad.

Steapa obliges and grips him fully, thumb sliding up over the head of his cock and it’s _good_.

“Yes,” Finan says, and he sounds a little desperate to his own ears.

Steapa gives him a grin that is a little too genuine to be cocky. “You like that?”

Finan feels the answer should be obvious enough but it doesn’t stop him from moaning out another ‘yes’ when Steapa twists his wrist just right.

God, he needs this so bad.

He gives himself over to the press of Steapa’s body and relaxes against the wall so that the other man is almost entirely supporting him, and he spreads his legs to accommodate Steapa fully.

Steapa makes a pleased noise that goes right to the coiled pit of arousal in Finan’s stomach.

“What would Uhtred say if he saw you like this?” Steapa asks, voice low and breath hot on Finan’s cheek.

It reminds him again of the fact that they are barely out of sight between two houses. Anyone could walk by and the only thing stopping them from seeing Finan is Steapa’s bulk.

Finan makes a noise he isn’t proud of. Somehow the idea of being caught only makes him hotter. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Steapa.

“Or maybe he’s already seen you like this?” Steapa squeezes him and then shifts, slides his hand down further to cup at Finan’s balls and then press up behind them.

It makes Finan jolt slightly, he hadn’t known he was quite that sensitive there. Steapa rubs his fingers back and forth slowly, and it leaves Finan breathless. Every touch lights a fire in him that threatens to consume him. He doesn't mind the thought.

Steapa slides the hand resting on his hip up under Finan’s shirt and it makes Finan wonder if the man is operating on a mental blue-print of what a woman might like, but he doesn’t care all that much, because Steapa’s hands are rough and his nipples are sensitive and it makes pleasure dance across his skin. He’s almost embarrassed at the way his cock twitches, currently untouched. He slides his hands up to grip Steapa’s shoulders hard, like it might stop him from losing his mind.

Steapa slips the hand in his pants back further to trace lightly against his entrance and Finan thinks maybe he’s blacked out for a second because then that hand is gripping his cock again, rough and desperate, like Steapa is the one at the edge and not Finan. He thinks idly that his pants are probably going to fall down, but he can't bring himself to care.

He knows he won’t be able to take too much more of this, he’s so damn close.

“Come on, Irishman,” Steapa says. Abruptly he removes his hands from Finan’s body.

Finan is on the edge of protest before Steapa roughly shoves him around so that he is now facing the wall.

And somehow this is so much better, because now Steapa presses up against his back fully and Finan can tell he’s enjoying this too from the hardness against his backside.

When he shoves his hand down Finan’s pants again, he pushes them down enough to free him completely, and the cool air makes Finan shudder. Steapa's grip is rougher now and it makes Finan dig his nails into the wall in front of him with one hand and clutch at Steapa’s arm again – he likes the way the man’s muscles shift as he jerks him off, and he likes the way Steapa keeps his body flush to his own.

“Come on,” Steapa says again.

“Maybe you’re just not very good at this,” Finan says, but the breathlessness of his voice belies his criticism.

Steapa huffs a laugh and Finan pushes back against him.

“Maybe you’re not as easy as I thought you would be. What are you waiting for?” Steapa asks, hand speeding up. “You _want_ someone to catch us?”

Finan exhales hard. That still should not be a turn on.

“You want Uhtred to find us?” And honestly, Finan thinks maybe _Steapa_ wants Uhtred to find them, but the idea isn’t _un_ appealing.

If only because Uhtred would never judge him. He wouldn’t even be phased. There is an intimate familiarity between them, born from their darkest moments and the smallest of stolen kindnesses in the dead of night.

Uhtred has seen worse.

But that chain of thought will only take him to places he doesn’t want to go. He doesn’t want to think about the ways his body has been used before. He puts Uhtred out of his mind.

He puts everything out of his mind but the feeling of being held, and the way Steapa’s hand slides over his length.

In this moment, Steapa would not hurt him.

In this moment, the only thing Steapa wants is to pleasure him, and that’s enough for now.

He lets himself let go. Lets himself trust, for a moment.

He’s so close, so desperately close, all he needs is one more little push.

Steapa tightens his grip, twists his hand just right, presses his mouth to the back of Finan’s neck and there – _that_ – that’s all he needed and his orgasm crashes through him with a gasp that would have been a shout if he were less aware of their surroundings.

“There ya go.” Steapa sounds entirely self-satisfied.

Finan thumps his forehead against the wall. He feels boneless. Weightless. Dizzy. “Yeah, alright big man.”

Steapa keeps him upright with the hand at his hip, his other hand still idly stroking Finan’s oversensitive cock as he helps to haul his pants back up and tuck him back in. Polite of him, really.

He can still feel Steapa hard against him. Finan takes a breath, pushes back slightly. “You going to need a hand with that?”

“Thought I couldn’t afford you,” Steapa says.

“Well, I think you paid enough in advance,” Finan says. He’s still breathless, but he’s fully ready to drop to his knees in the middle of the alley and repay the favour.

There’s a clink.

“What do you think you are doing with my Irishman?” Uhtred.

Oh no.

It probably doesn’t look good.

Finan isn’t sure exactly what it looks like, but probably like Steapa is very forcefully restraining him.

“Lord Uhtred,” Steapa says, trying to discretely remove his hand from Finan’s pants.

Uhtred has drawn his dagger and pointedly placed it on Steapa's shoulder. 

Finan wrinkles his nose. “Speak of the devil.”

Before Steapa can say anything else, Uhtred speaks again. “Take your hands off him.”

“Uhtred,” Finan says, “I’m fine.”

“Not doing anything he doesn’t want,” Steapa says guiltily. He wipes his hand against the side of the house in a motion Uhtred doesn’t miss, and then steps back, hands in the air. It leaves Finan cold and obviously dishevelled.

Uhtred stops. “Finan?”

“God in heaven,” Finan says, awkwardly fixing his clothes and turning so his back is to the wall, mindful of both where his come drips down the side of some poor bastard’s house, and where Steapa has wiped his hand.

“Is this true?” Uhtred looks concerned and at the crux of cautious anger.

“Lord help me, yes, it’s true,” Finan admits. If it were brighter out he’s sure they would both see how red his face is.

Uhtred’s eyebrows twitch and now it’s amusement tight at the corners of his expression. Uhtred has always been terribly observant.

“Well then." Uhtred sheaths his dagger. "Thank you for keeping Steapa distracted. I’ll expect you to return shortly. We’ll be leaving.”

Steapa huffs.

“Keeping him distracted. Right,” Finan says. Well, he supposes he did. "Wait, leaving? It's the middle of the night!"

“I assume you were supposed to be keeping an eye on us,” Uhtred says to Steapa. “Good work.” He turns to go.

“Lord –” Steapa starts, but doesn’t say anything else.

“Uh,” Finan says awkwardly. “You still want me to…” he glances down.

Steapa clears his throat. “You weren’t joking about the risk of Uhtred finding out.”

“I told you.”

“But I think that maybe killed it a bit for me. Maybe another time?” Steapa asks.

Finan grins. “Yeah, alright, big man. Another time then. We’re bound to be back eventually.”

He leaves Steapa standing in the alley, and doesn’t let himself look back.

Uhtred is waiting for him outside his house, as if to make sure he was really coming back.

“Uhtred –” Finan says, and stops, unsure of how to continue. For just a moment he is afraid of losing something between them.

“Say nothing,” Uhtred says. “If it makes you happy, it can’t be a bad thing.” He claps a hand on Finan’s neck and pulls him to put their foreheads together briefly. “But I will kill him if he touches you in a way you don’t want.”

Finan laughs. “I told him that.” He is perfectly capable of disembowelling a man himself, but he likes the knowledge that Uhtred would do it for him.

Someone clears their throat and Finan looks to see Sihtric.

“I was hoping for the night, Lord.” The man looks a little dejected, but he always does when he has to leave his wife. It’s adorable, and Finan plans to tease him about it later.

“And so was Finan,” Uhtred says. "But we cannot stay."

So much for having a break.

At least he’d gotten something out of it.

“Come come,” Uhtred says. “Osferth has been here a quarter hour already. You weren’t easy to find.”

Sihtric motions for Finan to go ahead, and slings an arm over his shoulder as he passes. "You were busy?"

"That's a word for it," Finan says. "And don't you say anything."

Sihtric just laughs at him.

They follow Uhtred inside, like they would follow him anywhere.


End file.
